He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
