yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
