I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
