I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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