I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
