I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
