To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
