you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
