I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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