I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They have beer where we have blood.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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