Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
