I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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