i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
