Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
