if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
