Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
