First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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