his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
