I just pynch a tree in the face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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