Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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