hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
