WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my liver is dry heaving
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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