Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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