'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
