Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
