summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
