His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize