The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
