Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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