I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
