Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
