So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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