smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
