bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
soo... how was my night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize