After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
