I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
