New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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