Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
