I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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