Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
