just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize