So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
