I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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