guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
