How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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