were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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