Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
