peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
