She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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