I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
