I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
