When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
