so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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