she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did I show you my penis last night?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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