I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
