Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
