If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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