i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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