Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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