I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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