what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
