Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
