If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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