only if we run a train.
done.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I want a musical about memes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
