My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
