Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
