All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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