He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
