I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
