Jerry, you need to find god
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
