At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize