Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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