Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
