If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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