it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
