Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
