3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
