We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
