I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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